The Jury's Out

...but it doesn't look good for the good guys.

I don't know if this is working. Yesterday was a pretty good day and I was hopeful that the drugs were taking effect. I wore a lumbar decompression belt (a girdle-like contraption) and there was some pain but it subsided after a bit. In fact, I left the house (first time in a while that didn't involve a doctor). I rode in the car which is something I haven't done in months without some level of pain. And, best of all, I was able to eat dinner at the dinner table. (Sadly, I've been taking all my meals either in bed or lying on the floor because I couldn't sit long enough to eat an entire meal.)

I have my quarter and my dime in my pocket and I take them out often and put them where I can see them, one next to the other. I look at them at try to visualize a healthy disc and a healthy spinal cord. I'm thinking about taping them to my back with the idea of transmitting this ideal directly to my spine. (I'll try anything.)

On Friday and Saturday, I didn't notice much of a change. While I waited for something to happen, I vowed I would resume a normal life (as much as possible) no matter how this turned out. I want to visit with friends and go back to work. I will just need to make adjustments. I thought I would miss Christmas but now I'm planning on going to the annual family fete and I don't think anyone will mind if I just claim some carpet and just hang out on the floor. (It's sort of odd, but so is my family.)

I also gave some thought to modifying my work environment. My computer monitors don't need to be changed. I can just change the orientation of the image on the screen. I can build a little platform or rent a gurney to lay on while I work. I can mount the keyboard vertically and I can buy a roller ball mouse that can similarly be mounted.

Alternatively, we might be able to hire some hands. I would be like some evil villain who occupies a host body - me supplying the brain power and the host body doing the physical work. (The difference being, I would be working for good instead of evil. You know, if you can consider tax returns as good.)

Yesterday, I allowed myself to be hopeful. I thought I wouldn't need to do all that. Today, I'm not so sure. (I would cry but the antidepressants won't let me.) I got up this morning with a hopeful attitude but I was in pain before I finished making my coffee. I took some percocet and went back to my horizontal life.

It could still work but I'm not going to hold my breath and I'm going to get on with my life as best I can. Besides, I have some really great angels and sooner or later this will all work out. It just might be later.