Sunday, December 27, 2009


I had the most bizarre dream last night. I dreamt that I was visited by three ghosts, one after another. The first ghost was the ghost of Christmas Wild. This ghost led me on a journey that went over a river and through some woods. Upon arriving at our destination, I was presented with a domestic scene, the decibel level of which compared to that of a jackhammer. Everyone was smiling even though the only mode of communication seemed to be wild arm movements as nothing could overcome the din. Even amid all the noise and confusion, I found a peace that each family member possessed knowing they were together with people they love and care about. As this scene faded away, all that was left was paper strewn about everywhere, piles of dishes in the sink, leftover sugar-coated treats - and smiles on everyone's faces.

Before I could say, "Merry Christmas to all...," I was visited by a second ghost. This was the ghost of Christmas Child. This ghost was very short - about 24 inches. To make eye contact, I had to get down on the floor which was a good thing since I'm vertically challenged anyway. This ghost was enchanting - I couldn't take my eyes off him. Nobody could. Before long, everyone was on the floor grinning and cooing. The ghost was well aware that everyone was looking at him and he took full advantage and even posed for photographs (although no signatures). As the night wore on this little ghost got cranky and smelled bad. What was the meaning of this, I wondered. Was this ghost adorable or just manipulative? Cranky or just up past his bedtime? Smelly or just needed to change his pants?

I was still contemplating these mysterious visions when a third ghost appeared. This was the ghost of Christmas Flamingos. Even though the ghost brought food and spirits, this ghost was very scary and stayed a very long time. I was presented with a scene that was slightly out of focus and I could hear people talking but something was wrong with their words. Everything they said became onebigstrungoutslipperyword. I kept wondering, how long will this last? How long must I be tortured by karaoke? Could it be that this is a vision of things to come? Must this continue until morning? Neighbors had lined up on the sidewalk to view the spectacle. They all wore expressions of confusion and had their hands over their ears. Was it cold outside? Was it about to snow? Could they hear no evil?

The ghost would not answer my questions. I was afraid of what the morning would bring. I begged the ghost of Christmas Flamingos as I tugged at her robes. We began to tussle and all of a sudden I found myself in bed wrestling with my bedsheets. I threw off the covers (drank my juice, ate my breakfast bar, swallowed some pain meds, waited for their effect) and ran (okay, limped) to the window.

No, it didn't snow. And no, there were no flamingos.

Relieved that I was alone, I pondered how the chips and dip and all my glassware had appeared on every available surface. It must have been a dream but what was its meaning?

I shook my head. I did't know. But, I was sure as hell that I woud be taking it easy on New Year's Eve!