Wednesday, November 25, 2009


It seems appropriate to mention the practice of "practicing gratitude." It's not something I do on a regular basis. It's like the practice of prayer, I suppose. Also, something I don't do. (Used to. Gave it up. Wasn't struck by lightning. Interestingly, I also reduced expectations, and thus disappointment.)

That being said, I've been practicing gratitude on my last few walks and it feels pretty good. It probably has to do with the endorphins and the fact it hasn't been raining the last couple of days. But it probably has more to do with the fact that I'm higher than a kite when I go out. (Thank you, Percocet.)

I've been talking to angels and I'm pretty sure they've been talking back....

Actually, I have a friend that believes in angels and she said I should talk to them and ask them for what I want. I should be specific. Don't just ask for answers (relating to my pain issues) but ask for a specific answer such as the "traction treatment will work in six sessions and the pain is not related to tumors or cancer," for example.

So I tried it and I can't say that it worked exactly but I am having a really good week, relatively speaking, and it feels good.

I can't say I believe in angels (although when one talks to them, one must be grateful to them when they provide - so thank you if you're out there) but I do believe in feeling good. It sure does feel better than feeling bad. Pity parties are not fun. Besides, no one shows up to them except me so it gets kind of lonely.

I've lost touch with my spiritual side over the last many years. I don't think I'm undergoing some sort of metamorphosis, or rebirth, or anything like that. But it does feel good to think about something (or someone) other than myself.

A lot of people think attitude and spirituality have a lot to do with recovery. They're probably right. I can't do this all by myself. Besides, it's not all about me anyway. That's easy to forget when one is crying because the pain is so bad. Conversely, the concept is easy to remember when one is high.

Well, I'm high right now so I feel good. And for that, and many, many, many other reasons, I feel grateful.

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