Vitality

I read an affirmation suggesting that I imagine my cells as warriors that nothing could penetrate. Well, I know that's not true. I came across this card much earlier in my journey, maybe even before my mastectomy. I loved the idea of warrior cells doing battle against the cancer in my body. I tried to visualize  it and thereby make it so.

The warriors didn't get the message.

The subject of the affirmation was really about vitality. Verve. The energy to live. Manifesting that energy, if you will, into healthy cells. A healthy mind and body.

That's where I find myself today. I'm done with this cancer bullshit. I'm done griping about my insurance company. It's time to let go and get on with it. It's time to be grateful for the rest of me, the healthy, un-diseased vital parts. I'm even grateful for my frankenboob. It's been a long journey but a marvelous and beautiful testament to science and to healers. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I can be grateful that I made it this far. I have to acknowledge it could have been much, much worse.

As for the warrior cells, I am imaging them in my niece, praying that these miraculous cells do indeed exist, that her surgery will not result in amputation. Fight, cells, fight! (Different cancer, different body amputation.)

In the meantime, I'm signed up for one of those cancer walks that are promoted every October. I did one a couple of years ago and was congratulated on being a survivor. I was three months post-surgery at the time and didn't feel like a survivor. I wasn't ready to celebrate survivorship. I was still getting used to my form, my new self image, the idea that I had cancer in the first place.

I'm ready now.

The purpose of the walk is to raise funds for the Desert Care Foundation which does not conduct or fund cancer research. Their mission is "to help pay for cancer care for local residents who need financial assistance." I think that's worth supporting. I don't want anyone, regardless of their ability to pay, to have to fight to get coverage from their healthcare provider for breast cancer treatment and related services. I want to help those who need help paying for what insurance doesn't cover. I hate hitting up family and friends for fundraising (which makes me a terrible fundraiser) but if you're interested, this is the place to donate.

By the way, my niece has a Go Fund Me page. She elected to get some treatment in Mexico which is not covered by insurance but she will also have care in the United States which will undoubtedly come with a sizable deductible.